You did a really nice job with that compliment. If you keep working on that...

Last night, while I was at rehearsal, my best friend was online playing Team Fortress 2. Evidently, he played some rounds with one particular player, who kept telling him: "Hey. If you keep working on that, you could be really awesome."

Now, you might not be reading this as the blatantly patronizing insult that I see it as, but just consider this: the "potentially awesome" player has put 200+ hours into this game and was the top scorer every single round. Sometimes with double or triple the points that this oh-so-complimentary teammate had. He is the top scorer in so many of the matches that I play with him. And he's not just a point-hoarder. He plays smart, gets the objective, works with the team. I love playing with him. He is already awesome.

This got me thinking about other situations in which a comment like this is not appropriate:

• Roger Federer beats some 17-year-old nobody 6-0 at tennis. At the net, the kid shakes Federer's hand and says, "Good game. If you keep working on that, you could be really awesome."
• A doctor leaves the O.R. after a difficult, exhausting, but ultimately successful operation. The doctor's colleague looks over and says, "Close call. If you keep working on that, you could be really awesome."
• A high school senior pours his heart into writing the application for the college of his dreams. In the spring, he receives a letter from the university: "We're sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission at this time. Your penmanship, however, is excellent. If you keep working on that, you could be really awesome."
  
• A man's wife walks into the room wearing a new dress. He looks up, smiles, and says, "Hey. If you keep working on that, you could be really awesome."

I've learned a very important lesson from all this: the simplest compliments are always the best. Everything else is just as likely to be a knife in the back.